Papercut
by Nadare
Summary: *Escaflowne songfic* Celena has to live with the fact that Dilandau is still alive. In her mind. Can she survive the night?


_Author's Note: Please don't hate me for doing this!! It's a songfic about Celena and Dilandau. As all of you know, Dilandau shifted into Allen's sister at the end of the series. And she seemed normal enough, but what if Dilandau was still in her head? Dilandau fans, don't kill me! I had no idea it would end like this! Anyway, enjoy and remember to review! _  
  
***The song 'Paper Cut' is by the band Linkin Park. They are an awesome band and I highly recommend you pick up their new album***  
  
"Papercut"  
  
_~Why does it feel like night today?   
Something in here's not right today…   
Why am I so uptight today?   
Paranoia's all I got left   
I don't know what stressed me first   
Or how the pressure was fed / but   
I know just what it feels like   
To have a voice in the back of my head~**  
  
**_ Celena clutched her head in pain, as a familiar presence announced it's arrival. Allen jumped to his feet, running to support her. Ever since the end of the war, she'd been having headaches frequently. Celena offered no explanation, she just remained silent as she wormed in agony.   
Frankly, Allen was starting to get worried. She was giddy and happy most of the time, just as if she'd always been that way. But lately, she had been moody and cranky. It was not the Celena he knew.   
"**Ane**, it's just a headache," Celena said, trying to smile and assure her brother that she was all right. "I just need to lay down. Help me to my room?"  
  
_~It's like a face that I hold inside   
A face that awakes when I close my eyes   
A face watches every time I lie   
A face that laughs every time I fall~   
  
_Celena collapsed on the bed, whimpering as the voice giggled. It tormented her every waking moment. It told her horrific tales, and laughed as she sobbed. It refused to go away. It seemed as if it was a part of her soul. But she had no idea where it had come from. Why did she have a voice on the inside? And an evil one at that?_  
  
~[And watches everything]~ _  
  
"Leave me alone," Celena whispered, clenching the covers as another mental spike was driven into her brain. "Leave me alone!"  
**-Why? You might as well get over the fact that you're stuck with me. After all, you took away my body!-**  
"What are you talking about?"  
** -It's your fault that I'm inside your head. If you hadn't allowed yourself to get captured by Zaibach, I wouldn't exist-**  
It had never given her information about it's origin. But what did Zaibach have to do with it?   
"Dilandau," She muttered, eyes closed tight as another wave of pain hit her. "What did Zaibach do to me?"  
**-Fate Alteration.-  
**A wave of memories hit her mind with the force of an Isapano guymelef.   
Remembered pain made her body spasm, and jerk. Screams were tore from her throat, as she felt his pain. His agony. It was far worse than the pain he had been afflicting on her.   
Dead Dragon Slayers' faces. Cries of pain as they were killed, all by one person. Van Fanel. Dilandau's hate. Dilandau's fury as he watched all his friends fall. Dilandau's fright as the deadly Van approached him.   
Darkness. A cold black prison that never failed to make him wish he was dead. If only he were dead. Then he wouldn't have to deal with the rats that scurried under his feet. The ever-present depression that lurked in the back of his mind.   
Jajuka. A happy memory at last. A dog-man that had comforted him through the pain. Laughter. Happiness.   
  
~_So I know that when it's time to sink or swim   
That the face inside is hearing me / right underneath my skin~  
  
_Education. Separated from his beloved Jajuka. Swords. Fighting. A new hobby. Fire. Destruction. Things programmed into his memory. Friendship. Dragon Slayers who respected him and looked up to him. His only real friends.   
Fire. Terror. Things that never ceased to comfort him. Screams of tragedy that never failed to put him to sleep.   
More pain. Jajuka is back. Comfort yet again. Loneliness. Everlasting pain that seared through his already-crazed brain. Words. Phrases that chilled him to the bone. Fate Alteration.   
  
_~It's like I'm / paranoid lookin' over my back   
It's like a / whirlwind inside of my head   
It's like I / can't stop what I'm hearing within   
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin~  
  
_ Cast away by an unknown force. Banished. Darkness. He hated darkness. A phobia that had haunted him ever since he had first been introduced to blackness. Rebellion. Inflicting pain upon the body that had once been his. Retribution. _  
  
~I know I've got a face in me   
points out all my mistakes to me   
You've got a face on the inside too   
and Your paranoia's probably worse~  
  
_The pain in Celena's head lummed to a low hum, and she sobbed. Not only because of her regret, but because of Dilandau's sad life. He had been created for only one purpose. To fight. And that was all he was. A pyromaniac that called himself a soldier. A warrior that rarely gave a kind word. _  
  
~I don't know what set me off first   
but I know what I can't stand   
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is   
I can't add up to what you can~  
  
_Endless tears. Tears shed for both counterparts that existed in the body. Time was forgotten. Only this moment existed. _  
  
~but Everybody has a face that they hold inside   
A face that awakes when they close their eyes   
A face watches every time they lie   
A face that laughs every time they fall~  
  
C_elena sat up, and walked over to the door. Turned the lockbefore she lost her nerve. But Dilandau was helping. For once. He wanted what she did. He gave her the extra confidence she needed. Heading to her dresser, she opened the top drawer._  
  
~[And watches everything]~  
  
_The razor was sharp. Just as he and she wanted it. Celena and Dilandau were one now. Souls merged for this one act. Dilandau was happy, Celena was happy. The first cut. Only a paper cut on the arm. A line of crimson trailed down the arm of the white dress. This would end it. The suffering of both souls._  
_Furious with fate now, Celena/Dilandau cut faster. Deeper. Blood splashed against the white walls of the room. The pair of merged souls felt no pain. It felt wonderful as the blade cut through skin, and Dilandau/Celena giggled as a river of crimson stained the bed, and floor. Getting up, they struggled to walk to the door. Dizziness ate at their vision, but they paid no heed.   
_  
~So you know that when it's time to sink or swim   
That the face inside is watching you too / right inside your skin~  
  
_ The lock was hard to open. Bloodstained hands did that to locks. Celena/Dilandau worked at it, and 10 minutes later, they fell onto hallway floor. Struggling to get up, they used to the wall for support, staining it all the while. Time no longer existed. It was only the number of feet they walked.   
Stairs. A challenge even to Dilandau. "Ah, what the hell!"  
They threw themselves down the flight of stairs rather happily, invisible to the pain that tried to make itself present as skin was broken and bruised.   
CRACK!  
The pair of merged souls sighed in relief as they realized they had broken their neck. They would have jumped up and down, has their head not been immobile, instead Dilandau/Celena cried out in happiness. Foot steps resonated on the floor but it was too late. Time had resumed, and too much blood as been shed.   
A pair of shaking hands wrapped around their neck.   
"Allen," Celena/Dilandau muttered raising a hand. "Don't blame yourself. Our suffering has ended. Be happy."  
The last words they would ever mutter.   
Allen Schezar remained silent as he looked down upon his dead sister. Only it wasn't his sister anymore. It had shifted into a mixture of Dilandau and Celena that looked strangely feminine and muscular at the same time. It was disturbing.  
And yet, at the same time, it was oddly comforting. Celena had not been alone when she had slashed her wrists. And this was perhaps why Allen had not run screaming when he had first seen her at the bottom of the stairs.  
She had not one soul, but two. And each had agreed on one thing. And perhaps, that was all that really mattered.   
_  
~The sun goes down I feel the light betray me~  
_


End file.
